Rules Murdock Must Follow
by Mockingeagle
Summary: Hannibal, Face, and BA decide that Murdock needs some rules to follow due to his antics and before they wind up in the VA psych ward with him.
1. Rules Murdock Must Follow

**A/N: So this just kind of popped into my head while I was talking to my Mom and I had to write it. Essentially these are the rules B.A., Face, and Hannibal think Murdock needs to follow to keep their own sanity and the sanity of their clients in one piece. Enjoy, R&R (it makes me happy). Also this is written from the POV of Hannibal.**

Rule 1: No accusing anyone of being reincarnations of long dead dictators, tyrants, criminals, or B.A.'s aunt.

Rule 2: If you absolutely must burst into song at random times, please do it when we aren't asleep.

Rule 3: Face doesn't want to be an olympic ice-skater so you are forbidden from asking anymore.

Rule 4: Tomatos are not out to get you so quit staging sneak attacks on them when we're at grocery stores.

Rule 5: Clients really don't want to see you in your straight jacket so we'd all appreciate it if you wouldn't wear it when we meet them.

Rule 6: If B.A. is angry about something for more than two days assume that it's probably something you did and apologize.

Rule 7: The only paper you're allowed to eat is the paper a ticket from a cop is written on, unless B.A.'s already eaten it.

Rule 8a: You aren't a werewolf, quit howling at the full moon.

Rule 8b: Your nickname being "Howlin' Mad" isn't a good argument for why you should be allowed to howl at a full moon.

Rule 9: Proclaiming undying love to a client we've just met does not endear you to them, cut it out.

Rule 10: Scotty isn't going to beam you up, I'm sorry.

Rule 11: Exorcisim is not an organized sport.

Rule 12: B.A. is not to be worshiped as a god.

Rule 13: Five part presentations on why the word "wow" spelt backwards is "wow" is neither wanted or appreciated, it's also forbidden.

Rule 14: No more Tarzan immitations in front of clients, it frightens them.

Rule 15: Telling clients that the only way they can hire the A-Team is if they do the rumba is just plain silly and now forbidden.

Rule 16: Don't try to convince B.A. that a blood tranfusion from you will make him crazy, he usually believes it.

Rule 17: Playing hide and seek in a women's clothing store is officially something you cannot do.

Rule 18: It's called flamable for a reason.

Rule 19: You can't control the force, once again I'm sorry.

Rule 20: No walking your dog Billy at any parks it makes the mothers watching their kids nervous.

Rule 21: Off- limits is not a suggestion.

Rule 22: You aren't allowed to rewrite the dictionary, even if your definitions are more interesting.

Rule 23: B.A.'s hair is not there for your amusement.

Rule 24: You are not Zeus, you are not to tell people you are, you aren't.

Rule 25: Face is a con-man, not a ballerina, not an ice-skater, not a dinosaur, a con-man.

Rule 26: Roller skating on the side walk is allowed, roller skating on a busy street is not.

Rule 27: If we're renting a house and neighbors visit you are not to try to convince them you and the fridge are an "item".

Rule 28: Waiters at fancy restaurants Face takes us to are not napkins.

Rule 29: Laughing until you get the hiccups is your fault not the president's.

Rule 30: You cannot get drunk on milk, if you drink anymore of B.A.'s milk trying then he has my permission to stop you any way he wants.

Rule 31: Making anonymous calls to the police informing them that the sky is falling is not allowed.

Rule 32: B.A. is not the father of your child, that is a pillow stuffed under your shirt, and you are a man.

Rule 33: The eating utensils aren't alive.

Rule 34: While I appreciate the morals of your Golfball Liberation Front, your are not to send letters requesting funds from total strangers.

Rule 35: You aren't allowed to prank call Col. Decker, he's paranoid enough as it is.

Rule 36: Mirrors are not windows to another universe, quit trying to jump through them to get to this supposed universe.

Rule 37: You aren't allowed to stage one man protests against oxygen.

Rule 38: You aren't the belle of the ball.

Rule 39: "Let's roll Kato" is not what you say to B.A. when you get into the van.

Rule 40: You are not allowed to paint Face's Corvette pink.

Rule 41: Nor are you to paint giant smiley faces on the back of B.A.'s van.

Rule 42: While on the subject, you aren't Leonardo da Vinchi.

Rule 43: You watch the T.V., don't use it as a pillow.

Rule 44: While you may speak several languages you are not to make up new languages.

Rule 45: Your left hand isn't taking over you mind.

Rule 46: You can't enter a ballroom dancing competition with a plant as your dancing partner.

Rule 47: The lobster claw isn't alive.

Rule 48: You are not to form a Candy Addicts Anonymous group.

Rule 49: There's a time and place for valet parking, prefferably it isn't in front of the enterance of the mental facility you live in.

Rule 50: You are forbidden from trying to convince B.A.'s mother to adopt you.


	2. More Rules For Murdock

**A/N: So, long ago I finally figured out how to post chapters after the first one so even though deleting "More Rules for Murdock" will lose me reviews I figure this'll introduce Murdock's rules to more people. So, I'll be taking down "More Rules for Murdock" as a separate story and taking it on as the second chapter of "Rules Murdock Must Follow". Read, REVIEW and enjoy :) **

Rule 51: Singing a lullaby to your shoes is not allowed.

Rule 52: "Crazy" is not the trigger word for you to sing your "theme song", you don't have a theme song.

Rule 53: They're pedestrians crossing the street not target practice.

Rule 54: You aren't a pirate.

Rule 55: Clerks at checkout counters do not want you to sing to the them.

Rule 56: Your medicine is to be taken to prevent any psychotic episodes you may experience not planted in hopes of growing a "medicine tree".

Rule 57: I am not a "big bully".

Rule 58: The van is not possessed.

Rule 59: You are not to call the military, tell them you know exactly where the A-Team is, and then direct them to empty fields it only encourages them.

Rule 60: You can fly a plane but you can't fly.

Rule 61: There is no "Switch Places With B.A. Day", honoring this supposed holiday is likely to get you killed.

Rule 62: The mercury in a thermometer is not a drink.

Rule 63: There is no monster in your closet and even if there was it doesn't want to be your friend.

Rule 64: When your psychologist says he's sane it isn't a challenge.

Rule 65: When you go to observe a trial you are not to bring popcorn, soda, and candy and then act like it's a movie.

Rule 66: Scavenger hunts are not allowed in the middle of a rescue mission.

Rule 67: Do not break out into Christmas carols loudly in the middle of a store, we don't need the attention.

Rule 68: No you may not but five pounds of raw meat just so you can poke it.

Rule 69: Face's Corvette is not a bomb shelter and you are not to treat it as such (i.e. stocking it with food in case of an air raid).

Rule 70: B.A. doesn't appreciate being called "Cuddles", not one bit.

Rule 71: Referring to every client as "Susan" regardless of gender doesn't make us look good in their eyes so stop.

Rule 72: You are not a mob boss so quit calling total strangers and telling them you are.

Rule 73: You aren't Darth Vader either.

Rule 74: "All you can eat" is not a challenge.

Rule 75: We have it on good authority from a reliable source that you are not immortal, stop testing.

Rule 76: If the plane is not on auto pilot you are not to meander nonchalantly up and down the aisles.

Rule 77: Do not sing to your bladder.

Rule 78: Face is not biased against fruit.

Rule 79: "Live life to the fullest" doesn't mean eat all you can whenever you're even slightly hungry.

Rule 80: Keys are not musical instruments.

Rule 81: There is no dust bunny mating season.

Rule 82: You aren't Abraham Lincoln.

Rule 83: If you're the only person who sees it, whatever "it" is, then don't insist it's there.

Rule 84: You are not to store plane parts in the fridge.

Rule 85: I'm fine with you going as a mad scientist for Halloween but you can't be one twenty-four seven.

Rule 86: There's a reason people say it's futile.

Rule 87: Clipping your toenails in public is frowned upon.

Rule 88: Quit calling comic book companies to demand they make a "Captain Cab" comic book.

Rule 89: You can't blame everything on your socks.

Rule 90: Hand grenades don't make good gifts when the pin is pulled.

Rule 91: You aren't allowed to try to mass produce strait jackets.

Rule 92: You aren't Marilyn Monroe quit telling people you are.

Rule 93: No you may not freeze you shirts.

Rule 94: Do not glue flowers to B.A.'s van.

Rule 95: You are not to accuse acorns of being lazy.

Rule 96: When I say I want to hear the sounds of silence, you are not to begin singing "Sounds of Silence" to the tune of any of Beethoven's compositions.

Rule 97: Helium is not a good replacement for oxygen.

Rule 98: Do not play with radioactive material, it will kill you.

Rule 99: Absolutely no tormenting B.A. about his fear of flying.

Rule 100: All rules must be followed to the letter, and claiming you can't read is not a good excuse for why you can't follow them.


End file.
